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Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Tough Questions With Easy Answers

I recently heard an interesting question, one that really made me think as we embark on 2014.

If this was your last year, how would you want to live it?

Okay, I'll admit it.  This question might be just a little heavy for New Year's Day, after what I am sure was a night of too much of at least one thing.  In fact, usually this question would be a little heavy for me at any time of the year.  But last year was, shall we say, defining for me.

Quite honestly, I'm happy to close the book on 2013, even though some really great things happened. Ted and I had our 25th anniversary.  Charlie and Kate both graduated.  All good... no, I mean great, things.  But 2013 was also the year I had (said in a whisper because that's how you have to say it) cancer.  Yup, for all the good things, there was that.  And that was not a great thing.

I wish I was one of those people who came through a situation like this and felt as though it had made me a better person.  Or that I was one of those people who felt that and it brought them closer to their spouse.  Or their kids.  Or their friends.  Maybe I'm just a really lucky person (I probably am), but Ted and the kids, and my friends did exactly what I would have expected.  They circled the wagons and were there for me -- just as they always have been.  There was no drama, just quiet support, a good sense of humor, and a lot of really tasteless jokes.  Just as there always are.  And just the way I like it.

So you'll have to excuse me if I'm a little anxious to move onto a year that doesn't include a lot of visits to the doctor and a close relationship with my radiologist who, by the way, is a lovely person.  If I never see another pink ribbon close up, I'm cool with that.

Having said all that, I am still pondering that question.  If this was my last year, how would I want to live it?

There's no easy answer.  Sure, I'd want to spend it with Ted and my kids.  But Charlie and Kate are away now and so I don't think that's happening.  And I'd want to spend it with my friends, most of whom are across the country in one direction or another.  Hum...  How would I want to spend it?

I think I'd like to spend the year as I always have.  Promising to be a better wife, mother, and friend (although honestly, no one is complaining so I much be doing okay).  Promising to exercise more.  Promising to try and find the deliciousness in whole grains.  Promising to bake bread and make homemade pasta because you know it just has to taste better.  Promising to spend less money and to be more organized.  Promising to make a giant index of all my cookbooks so that my family can easily figure out what I already have before they buy me a new one.  Promising to stop and smell the roses.

Maybe my answer to this question is simple.  If this was my last year, I don't think I'd change a thing.  Oh, you can be sure that  I'd keep making all those promises because you just never know.  2014 could finally be the year that I finally get around to cleaning out the closets and making a cookbook index.

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